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Books to read/buy for the coming months.

Because my other books needs company and I’ve been slacking off too much that I still got 2 more unfinished books to read. I don’t know why but I always feel like I am running out of time hence I spent most of my weekends roaming around to nothingness if not with my loves. I need to go back to reading and I need to overcome the indolence towards reading. I love to read, note to self. So I’ve got here six books I am aiming to buy and read for the next couple of months before the year ends. PROMISE.

1. Hardboiled and Hard Luck – Banana Yoshimoto

This book consists of two separate stories, making up the two parts of the book’s title. The first story, Hardboiled, is written from the perspective of a woman who is hiking alone, passes a strange shrine and ends up in a hotel with a couple of surreal incidents that follow. Her back story is filled in as a mixture of narrative and dream sequences. The second story, Hard Luck, is about a woman whose sister Kuni is in a coma. Kuni’s fiancé leaves her after the incident, but his brother continues to visit. It becomes apparent that he is interested in the protagonist of the story.

2. Lullaby – Chuck Palahniuk

Carl Streator is a reporter investigating Sudden Infant Death Syndrome for a soft-news feature. After responding to several calls with paramedics, he notices that all the dead children were read the same poem from the same library book the night before they died. It’s a ‘culling song’ - an ancient African spell for euthanising sick or old people. Researching it, he meets a woman who killed her own child with it accidentally. He himself accidentally killed his own wife and child with the same poem twenty years earlier. Together, the man and the woman must find and destroy all copies of this book, and try not to kill every rude sonofabitch that gets in their way.

3. Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage - Haruki Murakami

Tsukuru Tazaki had four best friends at school. By chance all of their names contained a colour. The two boys were called Akamatsu, meaning ‘red pine’, and Oumi, ‘blue sea’, while the girls’ names were Shirane, ‘white root’, and Kurono, ‘black field’. Tazaki was the only last name with no colour in it. One day Tsukuru Tazaki’s friends announced that they didn’t want to see him, or talk to him, ever again. Since that day Tsukuru has been floating through life, unable to form intimate connections with anyone. But then he meets Sara, who tells him that the time has come to find out what happened all those years ago.

4. Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children - Ransom Riggs

A mysterious island. An abandoned orphanage. A strange collection of very curious photographs.  It all waits to be discovered in Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, an unforgettable novel that mixes fiction and photography in a thrilling reading experience. As our story opens, a horrific family tragedy sets sixteen-year-old Jacob journeying to a remote island off the coast of Wales, where he discovers the crumbling ruins of Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. As Jacob explores its abandoned bedrooms and hallways, it becomes clear that the children were more than just peculiar. They may have been dangerous. They may have been quarantined on a deserted island for good reason.

5. Adultery – Paulo Coelho

Linda knows she’s lucky. Yet every morning when she opens her eyes to a so-called new day, she feels like closing them again. Her friends recommend medication. But Linda wants to feel more, not less. And so she embarks on an adventure as unexpected as it is daring, and which reawakens a side of her that she - respectable wife, loving mother, ambitious journalist - thought had disappeared.

Even she can’t predict what will happen next…

6. Landline – Rainbow Rowell

Georgie McCool knows her marriage is in trouble. That it’s been in trouble for a long time. She still loves her husband, Neal, and Neal still loves her, deeply — but that almost seems beside the point now. When her husband and the kids leave for the airport, Georgie wonders if she’s finally done it. If she’s ruined everything.

That night, Georgie discovers a way to communicate with Neal in the past. It’s not time travel, not exactly, but she feels like she’s been given an opportunity to fix her marriage before it starts.

Is that what she’s supposed to do?

What’s on your list?

—xoxo—

Pam <3 

Days of thinking weather to deal or stop participating with life.

Yes, life currently sucks to its fullest and I commend myself for still surviving but almost giving up because the reality is too much! The typhoon with its overwrought rain and wind gave me a hassle full of 6 pm out from the office. Took the bus to arrive for like an hour! The hell is that! Plus the very looooong line for just getting into the train station Ayala to be exact. What else? Yeah, for 4 straight days now I have to travel for like 3 hours just to get to work and extra 1 hour just to be home!!! Where is life? Where is enough rest and sleep?

Weekend, yeah another episode of I-hate-myself shit and I’ve been a cry-baby for two straight days that made my eyes really swollen and I have to convince  my family that it was just an insect bite because I SWEAR I WOULDN’T GIVE THE DETAILS! It was really exhausting, depressing and it made me feel like really dying and suffocating. Made me realized that all the pain of my history can come back to life in just a single grievous moment. I also got really pissed off that made me questioned my own being.

A quiet time to think and to catch up with life and for the time being is what I did during those mornings of regretting. I hate my temper, I hate how quickly I would react on things on impulse and I hate how insensitive some people are. But yes, I know that we really can’t change someone, all we have to do is to accept the fact that they’re like that. But I wish they would also get to sit down have a cup of coffee and realize that annoying part of themselves like how I hate myself for being so irascible.

That crying episode over the weekend made me thought of how less I get to move ahead with the pain of the yesteryear. How I am still being haunted of the faceless monsters and the malefic force of wanting to revenge against them. I still got a long fagging road to travel to finally be out of my room full of monsters and pain. The good thing about knowing all my cobwebs is that I know I still have the chance to fight and to be the better person I have longed to be. I have this chance now to show that I can and I will be my 100 percent again in showing how fervid I am to show my love and compassion with life.

I realized that things will always and will never be given to you the exact way you wanted it to be. That no matter how furry and impatient you get the more that you’ll be moving away from the good things. That giving others the cold-shoulder and that I HATE YOU look will never get you out of a very crowded, hot and smelly train. That we just really have to let go and let things flow to its natural course and stop grudging on the things that we really cannot control. I know that I have to read this blog post again and again just to be reminded of my dark and positive outlook in my everyday dealings and that sometimes really it is much better to just NOT DEAL WITH IT AND TO STOP PARTICIPATING WITH LIFE. Continue walking and just exhale the bad shit.

I know you got me so I’ll leave it to you to think about the things that you would participate in and the things that you would rather not deal.

P.S. Do not connect the photo with my dealings. HAHA. 

Love,

Pam. 

August 1st Feels - Challenge. Courage.

“May I be capable of accepting myself as I am: a person who walks and feels and talks like anyone else, but who, despite his faults, is also brave. “

The rain outside is fogging my whole vision and I am caught up in transition. I rest myself for a while, sip a cup of cold tea and stared at nothingness. I didn’t feel much agitated by the bad memories anymore, in fact I was relieved. I feel more at peace with my past, more thoughtful of thanking it for making me stronger than I was. I became even more capable of controlling my thoughts and having to choose the people that really matters.

There’s this fire of lights dancing inside me, rejoicing and uplifting my soul and of the unseen rhythm I have conquered for myself. There’s this drive to inspire, to uplift and to tell a single soul that it’s okay to make mistakes, to be lost and to be challenged by life and by the things we have no control of. It’s okay to be alone, to do things on your own and to be blinded by the dark. Just remember that only in darkness, can we appreciate the light.

Instead of living with regrets, smile and forgive yourself and forgive the past. Because once you’ve learned to really let go and forgive, that’s the only time you will appreciate the freedom that you have. I know you’ve heard about these things from others and probably would just shrug it off. But it takes great courage to actually do it and make it a habit, a part of you that you would take in. Think about it.

Smiling, realizing that I am in a much greater state now.

-xoxo-

Pam <3